


a study of you and tearstained math problems

by orphan_account



Category: Original Work
Genre: please, please don’t cut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-23 21:30:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21088145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: i don’t know what to say anymore





	a study of you and tearstained math problems

for the record maybe don’t read this because if my writing ends up with you cutting i will never write again

crying fucking sucks

but here i am, fucking sobbing because you cut and it feels like my fault

<strike>i know you’d say it wasn’t but maybe if i didn’t write the other day and maybe if i was prettier and just overall better and more like her maybe none of this would have happened in the first place and you wouldn’t have so it feels a lot like my fault right now</strike>

and even though i don’t matter i know you care about her and she probably knows already but i doubt she’d be okay with this

it’s so much easier to just be numb right now

let the tightness in my chest and the sinking in my stomach turn to dull aching

eating just feels like a chore so i haven’t eaten but it doesn’t hurt this time so why would i stop

<strike>i might pass out or get sick but it’s easier than facing reality right now</strike>

and it feels like i’m the one holding you guys back and it sucks

i just want you guys to be happy so just get together if it’ll make you happy 

it’ll hurt less than pretending like you still have feelings for me

<strike>while you were glancing at her, i was looking at you</strike> <strike></strike> <strike></strike>

and you deserve to be with someone who you like

<strike>as in like enough to not doubt whether you care for them at all</strike> <strike></strike>

and if i’m the only reason for you to not be with her the reasons to not be with her are as good as none

there’s so much i want to say but so little at the same time

it’s been exactly two years since my dad had a heart attack and i can’t text you and be sad about it and that sucks but i’ll be okay eventually 

i don’t really know what any playlist names mean but if i’m guessing correctly i don’t know if i even want to

my thoughts are a chorus of apologies and poetry

i don’t know what anything anyone is saying means anymore and i still don’t know the truth

i’m so fucking sorry for not being enough


End file.
